Embracing Hard Conversations: The 3 Hints to a Growth Mindset

Look, I’ll be honest – in a world where everyone seems ready to argue about everything, meaningful conversations about tough topics feel like a lost art. I am in a small country where there is so much disagreement going on right now about every topic you can think of. Distrust builds fast when this happens, and a need to only think of yourself is not good for the community.  You get in a rut….I’ve been there too, and I’ve found that it’s often our willingness to have those hard conversations and develop a growth mindset that helps us move forward.

My Family Doesn’t Always Agree (And That’s OK!)

Here’s something that surprises people about my family – we don’t all think the same way about some VERY big issues, and yet we lean into the differences and we talk about these topics regularly. I know, wild, right? I often hear how many families are not talking right now because of differences in opinions, and it breaks my heart because I know that it does not have to happen. In our family, we try to be respectful (most of the time, we’re still human!), listen with genuine curiosity, and ask questions without judging (most of the time because we are still human) each other’s answers.

Conversations Outside My Family

Having these conversations inside my family is easy because we have set up ground rules so I know the boundaries.  When someone not in my family questions my viewpoint, I sometimes get defensive in the beginning, but then I try to see it as them trying to understand where I’m coming from. This approach has been incredibly growth-promoting for all of us. It feels healthy, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Learning From People Who Think Differently

I admire Daniel Lubetzky (founder of Kind Bars and a guest on Shark Tank) a lot and follow him (and hope to meet him one day since we are both in Austin—hint hint!) and he shared something recently that really stuck with me – he actually gets excited when people disagree with him! And honestly, I’m with him on this one. Some of my biggest personal growth moments have come from conversations with people who see the world completely differently than I do.

But developing this growth mindset doesn’t just happen naturally.

I remember when we moved to the Westlake area in Austin, I was seriously worried that my kids and I would end up in an echo chamber of sameness. So I called my friend – he’s a truck driver with a different skin tone than mine and a totally different background – and shared my concerns.

His advice was so simple but profound: “Is it good for your kids’ education?” When I said yes, he told me, “Then you step into the bubble AND take on the responsibility to make sure that you’re intentional about not always staying in that bubble.”

He was spot-on. It’s totally fine to want community and belonging, but we need to put in extra effort to connect with different perspectives if we want to grow.

How I’ve Learned to Have Those Hard Conversations
Through a lot of trial and error (emphasis on the error part!),

I’ve found a few approaches that help:

1. Mix Up Your Social Circle

Although I talk about having a circle of friends who can support you,  I also actively try to connect with people who have different life experiences. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable, and sometimes I say the wrong thing, but the growth from these relationships is worth every awkward moment.

·  Join community classes or workshops in subjects you’re curious about but unfamiliar with. Pottery, coding, gardening, or dance classes often attract diverse groups.

·  Volunteer for causes outside your usual circles. Food banks, literacy programs, or environmental cleanups connect you with people from various backgrounds who share at least one value with you.

·  Attend local cultural festivals or events from communities different from your own. Go with an open mind and make an effort to have conversations, not just observe.

·  Join a recreational sports league or fitness class that’s accessible to beginners. Physical activities often break down social barriers quickly.

·  Ask your friends to introduce you to their friends from different backgrounds – professional, cultural, or socioeconomic.

·  Use social media intentionally by following people with different perspectives and engaging respectfully in comments.

·  Visit different places of worship if you’re comfortable; many offer community events open to all, regardless of faith.

2. Ask Permission Before Diving In

These days, people have been burned by too many heated arguments. Before I launch into a potentially sensitive topic and start a hard conversation, I ask if they’re open to discussing it. I explain why I’m asking and reassure them that I’m coming from a place of curiosity, not judgment.

This is as easy as saying “Hi {Joe} I know that we have different opinions on the topic of {issue} and I am trying to understand other’s viewpoint so that I can see the issue from 360 degrees. Would you be open and comfortable enough (because lets be real—its not going to be real comfortable) to share your thoughts on the topic?  I am asking from a curious standpoint and will not judge. 
The key is to stick to what you said you would do.

3. Get Curious, Not Defensive

When someone shares a perspective that differs from mine, I try to really listen without planning my rebuttal. The growth mindset flourishes in these moments of genuine openness – though I’ll admit, this is still a work in progress for me!

Two Tricks to Stay Genuinely Curious

The Five Whys Technique
When I feel myself getting defensive during a hard conversation, I switch to asking “why do you think that?” questions – not just once, but up to five times. Each “why” takes us deeper, beyond surface opinions to the underlying values and experiences that shape our thinking. This simple trick shifts my mind from arguing to understanding, and it’s amazing how it transforms the growth potential of those conversations.

The Alternative Universe Game
I challenge myself to briefly imagine living fully in the other person’s perspective. I ask myself, “What would have to be true for me to agree with this viewpoint completely?” This mental exercise helps me stay curious during hard conversations because it forces me to temporarily set aside my assumptions. The growth mindset thrives when we can genuinely consider alternative worldviews, even if just for a moment.

Embrace Growth- We’re Built to Change

Think about it – none of us were born with our current bodies, vocabulary, or knowledge. Change is literally our natural state! When we stop growing and learning through those hard conversations, something important starts to wither inside us.
I’ve found that pushing through the discomfort of hard conversations has helped me break free from periods of feeling stuck. It’s not always easy, but each time I engage with an open heart and mind, I feel myself evolving into a better, more understanding person.
What about you? Have you found ways to have those hard conversations in your life? I’d love to hear how you’re nurturing your own growth mindset.

To learn how to lean into growth more, lets schedule a day dreaming exercise and lets see what growth looks like for you.