Do you ever catch yourself thinking, “I just want to be happy”? While happiness is great, what most of us are really searching for is joy.
There’s a subtle but powerful difference between the two. We chase happiness, but we choose joy.
Joy doesn’t come from fleeting moments; it comes from deeply rooted practices that bring meaning and peace to our lives. If you want to learn more, check out this blog.
If you’ve ever wondered how to find joy, you’re in the right place. Let’s talk about my joy recipe—a step-by-step guide to cultivating lasting joy, one ingredient at a time.
What’s the Difference Between Joy and Happiness?
Happiness is wonderful, but it’s temporary. It’s the rush you feel when you buy a new pair of shoes, book a vacation, or snag a promotion at work. But soon, the thrill fades, and you’re left searching for the next “fix.” This happens because happiness triggers a dopamine release, and once that hormone fades, the feeling disappears.
Joy, however, is different. Joy is about inner peace and resilience. It doesn’t rely on external circumstances. Even when life is messy—whether you’re dealing with a difficult boss, health issues, or family challenges—joy can give you a sense of calm and strength.
A 2017 study published in Emotion found that people who embrace joy experience higher spiritual well-being. They adapt more quickly to challenges and are better equipped to find laughter and calmness even during tough times. On the other hand, research from Northwestern University reveals that materialistic people—those who chase happiness through possessions—often feel dissatisfaction and fear.
So, how can you shift from chasing happiness to cultivating joy? Let’s break it down into a simple, practical recipe.
The Joy Recipe: Crafting a Life You Love
Think of joy as a cookie recipe. Every cookie needs core ingredients like flour, sugar, and butter, but the way you combine them and the extras you add (chocolate chips, nuts, sprinkles) make it uniquely yours. Joy works the same way. Here are the foundational ingredients, plus tips on how to mix them into your daily life.
1. Gratitude: The Flour of Joy
Gratitude is the base of your joy recipe. It’s the most researched and proven way to build joy, and Brené Brown’s work highlights how essential it is. But gratitude isn’t just about having a positive attitude. It’s about creating intentional practices that focus your attention on what’s good in your life.
Start small:
- Keep a gratitude journal and write down three things you’re thankful for every morning.
- Create a gratitude jar and add notes about joyful moments you experience each day.
- Tell someone you appreciate them—it’s a simple way to feel connected and spread joy.
When we focus on what we have, instead of what we lack, we make room for joy. Gratitude helps us handle life’s challenges with resilience because it trains our brain to notice the positive, even in tough times.
2. Value Alignment: Living What Matters Most
This ingredient might be the hardest, but it’s also the most transformative. Aligning your life with your core values brings a deep sense of peace and fulfillment. Without this alignment, even the best moments can feel empty.
One of my joyriders—a client—struggled with this. She loved her job and enjoyed traveling for work, but she hated missing her daughter’s school events. She often resented her husband, who worked from home and never missed a performance or activity. After reflecting on her values, she realized that being present for her family mattered more than fancy dinners with donors. She adjusted her travel schedule, and the result was life-changing: she felt more peaceful, joyful, and even closer to her husband.
If you’re unsure of your values, take time to figure them out. What truly matters to you? Family? Creativity? Adventure? Once you know, make choices that reflect those values. Email me if you want a free values workbook—I’d be happy to help you start.
3. Connections: The Sugar of Joy
Humans are wired for connection. We thrive when we belong to a community, whether it’s family, friends, or like-minded groups. When we feel disconnected, loneliness creeps in—and loneliness is the ultimate joy blocker.
Here’s the good news: building connections doesn’t have to be complicated.
- Schedule coffee dates with friends.
- Call a family member just to chat.
- Join a group or club centered around your interests.
Even small interactions, like smiling at a stranger or chatting with your barista, can spark joy. Connection is about quality, not quantity. It’s better to have a few deep relationships than a hundred shallow ones.
4. Self-Care: The Butter That Holds It Together
Self-care is critical when you’re learning how to find joy. But let’s clarify: self-care isn’t just bubble baths and spa days (though those are amazing). True self-care involves setting boundaries, making time for yourself, and prioritizing your health.
Examples of self-care:
- Say “no” to commitments that drain you.
- Get enough sleep.
- Move your body in ways that feel good to you—whether that’s yoga, walking, or dancing.
When you care for yourself, you’re not just nurturing your body; you’re sending yourself a powerful message: I’m worth it. And that mindset opens the door to joy.
5. Spirituality: The Special Ingredient
Spirituality connects us to something greater than ourselves. I call it G.U.S ( God, the universe, or your sense of purpose.) but you should call it whatever you which.) It’s not about religion (though it can be) but about finding meaning and connection in life.
Practices to cultivate spirituality:
- Spend time in nature.
- Try mindfulness or meditation.
- Engage in acts of service.
According to Mindwell, spirituality buffers stress and builds a support system. Whether it’s prayer, journaling, or simply taking a quiet moment to reflect, find what resonates with you and make it part of your routine.
Your Secret Ingredient: What Makes You, You
Every great recipe has a secret ingredient. For me, it’s creativity. Writing, painting, and designing on Canva put me in a flow state where time disappears and joy takes over. What’s your secret ingredient? Is it hiking, cooking, or playing music? Whatever it is, make time for it—it’s the icing on your joy cake.
Now It’s Your Turn
Now that you know how to find joy, what will you add to your joy recipe? Remember, joy isn’t something you stumble upon—it’s something you create. Start with gratitude, value alignment, connection, self-care, and spirituality, and don’t forget to sprinkle in your own unique flair. Let me know how your journey to joy unfolds—I’d love to hear from you!